I was told by my ex-wife a couple of years ago that my wife couldn’t possibly love our children the way she does.  She went on further to say that my wife shouldn’t have any say in the decisions that we make for our children.  In recently reflecting on my feelings for my children with both my wife and my friends, it made that conversation of two years ago come back into the forefront of my mind.

First off, my ex-wife’s perception was solely based on her experience in this area in which she has none.  I am the father of our children AND a step-father for my wife’s son.  I can say, without hesitation that I love ALL my children equally, regardless of how they came into my life.  I would gladly sacrifice my life to save any one of them without needing to even contemplate my actions.

I do believe that a step parent can bond with and love a child as he or she were their own.  I believe that this bond is even stronger when the child lives in the home normally with that step parent.  In our example I believe that my children love my wife as a mother figure in their lives.  I also believe that as with all things, sometimes there is chemistry, other times there isn’t.  I constantly hear from the kids that they do not get along with their step-dad which saddens me.  I would want happiness for my children and if I cannot be with them as their father I would pray that they have a relationship with their step-dad that is strong and healthy.

Now, I will not tell you that it is not a challenge at times when it comes to step-children.  They can be resistant to you and choose not to accept you as an authoritative figure in their lives.  Fortunately I do not have to worry about that too much, my step son eventually comes around in most cases.  Although my step-son and I butt heads once in a while, I still love him and care about his well being the same as any of my biological children.

I think step parents and biological parents alike have a challenge dealing with kids today.  Especially in mixed households, rules are extremely difficult to establish and even harder to maintain/enforce.  When the rules are different at one household from those rules at your home, it makes for regular confrontations with the kids.  You get a lot of “we don’t have to do that at Mom’s!” or “we don’t have to do that at Dad’s!”.  For example, my wife allows her son to do things or play certain games which my two children are not allowed to do according to the rules that my ex-wife and I have agreed upon.  It makes for a difficult time when my step son cannot do some things when my kids are around that he would normally get to do when they are not at my house.  My fear is that it makes them resent one another in one way or another.

Well, as I said before, I am a father AND a step-dad and I love all of my children equally.  I will not let anyone tell me that I cannot possibly love my step son like I do my children.  Anyone who does believe that either doesn’t have step-children to love and base their belief on or is simply a very sad person if they cannot extend their love to all of the children in their lives, biological or step.

 Ok, thats my two cents!

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