Why do people have to be so mean?  Our church’s website was hacked and in it’s place a bunch of arabic words and statements were in it’s place.  Obviously someone out there does not like what our Pastor has to say about different topics, otherwise they wouldn’t be so upset that they felt they needed to attack us.  Now, I do say a prayer for this person and I certainly hope that at some point in their lives they recieve the healing they need for their soul.  Fortunately our existing web site admin appears to have retained a backup and the files have been restored.  We will definitely review our security protocols as a password with 5+ characters and a combination of nums and letters is not enough to keep these people at bay.  I asked the church to pray for this person and to pray that God helps this person whatever sickness this person seems to have to cause them to do something like this.

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I was told by my ex-wife a couple of years ago that my wife couldn’t possibly love our children the way she does.  She went on further to say that my wife shouldn’t have any say in the decisions that we make for our children.  In recently reflecting on my feelings for my children with both my wife and my friends, it made that conversation of two years ago come back into the forefront of my mind.

First off, my ex-wife’s perception was solely based on her experience in this area in which she has none.  I am the father of our children AND a step-father for my wife’s son.  I can say, without hesitation that I love ALL my children equally, regardless of how they came into my life.  I would gladly sacrifice my life to save any one of them without needing to even contemplate my actions.

I do believe that a step parent can bond with and love a child as he or she were their own.  I believe that this bond is even stronger when the child lives in the home normally with that step parent.  In our example I believe that my children love my wife as a mother figure in their lives.  I also believe that as with all things, sometimes there is chemistry, other times there isn’t.  I constantly hear from the kids that they do not get along with their step-dad which saddens me.  I would want happiness for my children and if I cannot be with them as their father I would pray that they have a relationship with their step-dad that is strong and healthy.

Now, I will not tell you that it is not a challenge at times when it comes to step-children.  They can be resistant to you and choose not to accept you as an authoritative figure in their lives.  Fortunately I do not have to worry about that too much, my step son eventually comes around in most cases.  Although my step-son and I butt heads once in a while, I still love him and care about his well being the same as any of my biological children.

I think step parents and biological parents alike have a challenge dealing with kids today.  Especially in mixed households, rules are extremely difficult to establish and even harder to maintain/enforce.  When the rules are different at one household from those rules at your home, it makes for regular confrontations with the kids.  You get a lot of “we don’t have to do that at Mom’s!” or “we don’t have to do that at Dad’s!”.  For example, my wife allows her son to do things or play certain games which my two children are not allowed to do according to the rules that my ex-wife and I have agreed upon.  It makes for a difficult time when my step son cannot do some things when my kids are around that he would normally get to do when they are not at my house.  My fear is that it makes them resent one another in one way or another.

Well, as I said before, I am a father AND a step-dad and I love all of my children equally.  I will not let anyone tell me that I cannot possibly love my step son like I do my children.  Anyone who does believe that either doesn’t have step-children to love and base their belief on or is simply a very sad person if they cannot extend their love to all of the children in their lives, biological or step.

 Ok, thats my two cents!

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I had an interesting discussion today with a friend at work over lunch.  From his perspective he believes my priorities are messed up because I put my family first and my job second.  Now, I will definitely say that at one point during my life, during my first marriage, I do believe my priorities were messed up.  I essentially put work and my career before all else and neglected my family and personal life.  I excelled at my job at the expense of my family and my children.  Ok, that is just messed up, but, I believed it was as it should be.  Well, needless to say, my wife and I grew apart and I am sure she felt neglected to a certain extent.  I can’t blame her, I was not around much and I certainly was not much help with the kids when they were very young.

When we finally got divorced in 1999 I didn’t realize what my screwed up priorities had gotten me initially.  My priorities had cost me my wife as well as my children.  You see, when we divorced my children went to live with their mother, which was hard to accept but not a show stopper, I mean, what the hay?! I had my career to keep me busy, right?  It wasn’t until some time had gone by that I realized how much having a family had meant to me. I also realized how much I had screwed up and what my whacked out priorities had cost me.  It cost me my family.

Right before the divorce was final I had met Kathy, my wife, and I started to realize a lot of things.  I realized how much I should value my family and my time with my kids.  I realized that although I could always find another job, I couldn’t replace my family or loved ones. I realized how valuable my time was with my children, I mean, let’s face it, they are only young for so long.  When they become teenagers they want their independence and do not want as much involvement with you.  You have to take what you can get while you can get it because those years in your children’s lives are so short.  At that point in time I made a decision that my family, especially my wife and children, would be my number one priority no matter what.  Granted, my wife understands that from time to time emergencies come up at work and I have to deal with them.  She accepts that.

Ok, back to what brought us into this topic to begin with.  My friend said that my priorities are messed up and I say it is not true.  My top priority is my family.  My family, especially my wife, has accepted that I will only let my work interfere with family when it is ABSOLUTELY necessary and unavoidable.  I do not consider it ABSOLUTELY necessary to be on-site at work just to provide company for someone else.  I can’t count how many times I have worked into the night alone because there wasn’t anyone else in the group who could genuinely assist me, so why have someone needlessly hang around?  I have ALWAYS made myself available both remotely and physically whenever needed.  Physically I have been at the work and available whenever it was necessary to do so.  I mean, what is the point of all this remote technology if I can’t perform some of these functions from home?

What I don’t think my friend quite gets and why he thinks my priorities are out of whack is that he really doesn’t have any obligations to a family or a home life, much less to children he wants to see grow up and interact with.  This is something he will never truly get or understand.  It’s ok if he wants to make work his life and his priority, he can do that without a guilty conscience or missing out on seeing his children grow up.  He has the freedom to do whatever he wants without feeling remorse, guilt or a sense of real loss.  I feel remorse for being away from my family for too long, guilt for missing important moments in my children’s developments and a sense of loss when they grow older and learn new things without me there to share it with them.

I guess in the end, it depends on your perspective.  Do I think his priorities are messed up?  Nope.  Why?  Simple, work is what his life is about for the most part and it can be his priority without guilt or remorse.  It gives him a sense of purpose in his life and makes him feel good about himself and I think that is great for him. In my case, my family is my priority.  I take great pride in being a good father to my children and being a loving husband to my wife.  It matters that I am there for them and not away from home all the time.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my job and where I work, but the fact of the matter is, I can get another job, I don’t want to lose my family.  As long as I do my job and can be available, I think my priorities are just fine the way they are.

There are some excellent articles out there on this subject, be sure to give them a read also:

Top 10 Ways to Balance Life and Work

Recovering from Workaholism

Saying No to the Unimportant

SuperDads: Managing Expectations of Modern Fathers

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Let me first say, this, like any other blog (usually) represents my opinions and experiences only. 

So, who wins when AT&T’s Yahoo DSL software is loaded on a PC and mistakenly installed on top of an existing Virus Scanner or Firewall product?  I will tell ya, no one!  I have encountered countless customers like the one I saw last night who installed the AT&T Yahoo DSL software over top of an existing set of software products only to be left with a non-functioning PC.  Not until the AT&T software is removed and all other protection related products are properly removed can you get by the problem and start connecting to the Internet again.  My recommendation; don’t load the AT&T Yahoo DSL software at all.  Here’s why:

Basically you need these main components when thinking about protecting your computer at home:

• Virus Scanning 
• Spyware Protection
• Web Browsing Control and/or Pop-up Blocker
• Firewall
• Parental Controls

I will explain each of these areas and my recommendation on how to cover the need. 

Virus Scanning

Virus scanning is critical, if you don’t purchase any other software, make sure you purchase virus protection!  There are just far too many dangers out there in Internet land and all of them can cost you dearly.  If you do not want to spend any more money (because you just bought that new PC) use the one AT&T Yahoo DSL provides you.  You could alternatively use the virus scanner which typically comes with your computer when you first buy it.  However, my recommendation is that you pick up a suite of products which includes a virus scanner.  I have used most of the products out there and I personally and professionally keep coming back to Trend Micro’s product called Internet Security Suite.  Another good product to take a look at is AVG by Grisoft.

Spyware Protection

Ok, increasingly, browsing the Internet has become more and more dangerous.  Browsing the Internet without both the protection of a good virus scanner AND a good spyware detection and prevention tool is like being sexually promiscuous without any protection whatsoever.  You’re asking for trouble.  Not only will Spyware Protection keep you out of trouble, it will make your web browsing experience more pleasant overall.  Anyone who has been bogged down by spyware will tell you that it is no fun due to your computer coming to a complete crawl and essentially becoming useless.  In most cases as a consultant, I tell clients, “let’s get the important data off safely and reformat” due to the difficult nature of attempting to completely remove spyware from an infected machine.  It takes less time to reformat and start over than it does to troubleshoot and remove all cases of spyware on a PC.  Again, Trend Micro’s Internet Security Suite does an excellent job of this.  There are other tools also such as Adaware from Lavasoft that also do a good job. 

Web Browsing Control and/or Pop-up Blocker

Today Internet Explorer 7 and all of the susequent security patches do a pretty good job of protecting against pop-ups and other “phishing” attempts.  What Internet Explorer alone cannot do is protect you from going to web sites with let’s just say “bad reps”.  Sites which have a history of either questionable content or questionable practices.  There are products out there that can watch where you surf and warn you when you’ve landed on a dangerous page.  Again, Trend Micro’s Internet Security Suite does an excellent job of this.   If you do a lot of browsing and researching on-line, getting a product such as this will save you MANY future headaches.

Firewall

Ok, here’s where things get interesting.  A firewall is essential these days.  Not using one is like leaving the front door of your house wide open in a bad neighborhood while you go away from vacation.  You wouldn’t do that so why on earth would you not use a firewall.  Now, Windows XP comes with a firewall which is usually activated when Windows is intially set up.  This firewall is very effective for most people’s needs.  Companies will try to scare you into thinking you need more but you really don’t.  In addition to Windows having a firewall built into the Network Card (NIC), most people who use AT&T Yahoo DSL have a 2wire modem/wireless router.  This router has a firewall capability built into it which is usually turned on by default.  One note about this router, in your advanced settings you have the option of Stealth and not to respond to Ping, I highly recommend turning on these features.  They keep someone from finding your computer/router on the Internet by pinging you. For the most part, you do not need to concern yourself with purchasing a firewall if you utilize one of these methods for a firewall to begin with.  Most router/gateways available today provide the ability to work as a firewall for you.

Parental Controls

If you do not have children you don’t need the parental controls!  If you do have children and you would like to keep an eye on what your kids are into, the Parental Control product from AT&T Yahoo DSL will do the job, however, I have seen more problems with it than solutions provided by it.  Try some other products instead.  Try IAM Big Brother, it does a good all around job of keeping track of your children’s activities.  Another good choice is NetNanny which has been a long time favorite product of many parents I have met.

So, in the end, my recommendation is this; if you want free products and the potential problems that come with it, install the AT&T Yahoo DSL software.  In my opinion it produces more problems than it solves.  This is my opinion however, others may feel differently.  It is also my opinion that in the long run, you are better off purchasing a tried and true solution that works well and is supported well.  As I have already said, I can highly recommend Trend Micro’s Internet Security Suite.  Time and again it has well proven its value in all of the above categories except the parental controls.

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It was quite a rough night with Anthony last night.  He seems as though he has developed a secondary infection in his chest after he and I were both sick last week.  He sounded kind of rough when we went to bed last night and overnight he seems to have gotten worse.  I told Kathy at 4 a.m. in the morning that if she felt like she should take him to the emergency room to go ahead and do it.  However, it looks like a little patience paid off and the little guy went back to sleep (after calming down) and wasn’t struggling so much to breath.  This morning around 8 a.m. he woke up as happy as could be, coughing, but still in good spirits.  He definitely sounds like he has something going on in his chest and we will be taking him into the doctor today to get it checked out.

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Just another day today.  Went to church this morning.  It was Pastor Kevin’s 40th birthday.  I had been asked to prepare a video which was created by Kevin’s mother.  Unfortunately I had no time to test the video on the computer before attempting to play it on our piece of junk PC that I use for recording and displaying lyrics with.  The video would show but there was no sound.  After turning knobs frantically, we finally got some sound to come out.  Albeit, it was difficult to hear and there was a lot of buzz but all in all everyone enjoyed the video and laughed quite a bit.   I was a laid back day at home however.  Didn’t do much today in the way of work, I will definitely need to spend the whole day tomorrow working on websites and my Uncle’s computer.  Was able to work with Kathy on her blog and we got too look at a lot of cool themes for them.  This should be fun!

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Ok, when your Pastor calls you at 10:30 p.m. and asks you to meet with him in the morning to discuss a topic that seems to be secret, do you worry?  Hmm… I have been pondering that one wondering what I did or didn’t do that I was or wasn’t supposed to do.  Have a client to go see today for some web design discussions at 12:30 p.m. so I will have to update things here later.  Feel like I am going to the principals office.  Oh well… at least I’ll get a good cup of coffee!

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Well… I got home today to a tired wife and a tired tike.  Anthony just did not want to go to sleep but was so tired at the same time.  I tried my usual Daddy routine of having him on my shoulder and singing to him, that just didn’t work.  Kathy tried feeding him again, but that did not work.  I finally went upstairs in the nice quietness of our bedroom and the rocker/glider.  The room was completely dark and very quiet.  I sat and rocked with him while singing songs softly to him.  This went on for a good twenty minutes when he finally fell asleep.  When I laid down with him on the bed, wouldn’t you know it but our cat Cinder decided to jump up and the bed.  She just wouldn’t take no for an answer!  She kept trying to climb up on Anthony to get to me for attention when I finally picked her up and plunked her off the bed.  Too late, Anthony woke up and it was back to the glider.  Ten minutes and several more choruses of “Rock a bye baby” and “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” later he finally fell asleep.  After giving up on moving to the bed and twenty more minutes later, Kathy came up to take over the sleeping tike.  I love that little guy!

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I just got off the phone with Ann P. at work.  We briefly touched on the concept of podcasting here at Munder.  She thinks it sounds like a promising idea.  Now, Ann came up with an idea I had not considered.  She suggested that we do some recordings of someone talking about each of our funds.  Now why didn’t I think of that?  The ability of anyone to connect to our site, subscribe to us and be able to download the most up to date information about each of our funds.  Wow!  Very cool!  Also, we can track our traffic and subscriber rate to get an idea of how many people are interested in our funds as well as tell how we are reaching our audience.  I reiterated that we would also want to do a podcast based upon “experts” at Munder speaking about topics that are of interest to listeners and more importantly potential clients with a quick excerpt at the beginning and end of the podcast giving contact information.  These podcasts would only need to be 15-30 minutes in length and could talk about any number of topics our experts would like to address.

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Installing SharePoint Server 2007! Finally installing SharePoint Server 2007 here at work.  So far so good.  Chris and I have been working together on it and we should have a fully working server by the end of the day.

 Well… what they don’t tell you in class!  My word!  Ok, as we were installing this server on a 32Bit server, we installed Windows Server 2003 R2 with service pack 1.  However, we had patched the server as completely as possible and installed IIS and ASP onto the server as well.  During the class I attended for MS SharePoint Server 2007 implementation and installation not ONCE did they mention that DotNet 3.0 or ASP 2.0 needed to be installed.  Nor did they mention in class that the Enhanced Security configuration being installed (which is installed by default) would raise so much trouble getting SharePoint to run.  Needless to say, we removed the enhanced security, installed the DotNet 3.0 and ASP 2.0 and were able to access the Home Page on the local server by using “localhost”.  All is now well… it’s just the little things they seem to leave out during class that get you.

Popularity: 12% [?]